this is awkward

hi guys. sorry for the shitty font (an apology which may end up being irrelevant if I can change it) ew times new roman. seriously bleugh. okay so I've not blogged for ages and I have commitment to blog issues and I'm sorry. very sorry. Emily started herself a little blog the other day and she inspired/instructed me to get going with this again. 
today is Thursday I think, but it feels like a Saturday and I'm not actually sure what day it is anymore because I dropped out of college three weeks ago and now my life is even more confused than it used to be. also don't judge me for dropping out of college shit happens and I'm going back next year to try again and my general hilarity should persuade the rest of the world to overlook this glitch in my life. I am determined that it shall be a glitch
oddie is still going, still a little overweight, in an endearing way. he's warm. anyway. today I went to see the great gatsby with Ella and Emily. it was weir because we met and they had just walked up hill to the theatre so they were like "no...talk...please...need...rest" and then we sat in the dark in silence for two and a half hours. I don't think I've ever gone that long in silence with them without being asleep before. the film was really old though so I didn't notice tooooo much. when he got shot we all jumped A LOT. even though it was a really very expected thing. sorry if I just ruined the film for you but you suck for caring. you don't actually I love you a lot for reading this please never leave me I'm so lonely. um. 
I want my bike fixed. a lot. I also want a baby guinea pig but my bike being fixed is a thing that should actually happen. I also want to make my bedroom devoid of all furniture except bed and bedside table. that should happen soon. and I broke my headphones again sigh they last approximately four minutes in immie land. 
I threw a grape at Ems head earlier and it bounced off her face really hard and she shouted "AAAH MY FACE IS SO BOUNCY". also yesterday Dilys told me to "stop laughing at my normal sized vagina". If any of you at home are laughing at Dilys's normal sized vagina please continue doing so if only to spite her ;). 
MY MUM IS TAKING ME TO SEE THE LION KING IN THE WEST END. AND KATIE HAS A SPARE TICKET TK SEE NOAH AND THE WHALE. AND DILYS'S MUM GAVE ME SOME REALLY REALLY REALLY NICE SUNGLASSES. I love them all so much. need to get me some new pictures on the wall. 
I keep playing draw something with my sister which is strange but kind of fun. I can't identify the words though let alone draw them. ew no jimi stuck cheese to his ceiling. I hate my thought processss. Dom can drive though so that's a good time. I want a baby guinea pig so that I can dress it up like a tiny furry super hero. oh no family interaction help help help make them leaveeeeeeeee. 
yesterday I sang my hot chocolate a song about how it was my chocolatey friend who could give me hugs from the inside like an inside person but wasn't allowed on the duvet and I sang about how sad our friendship was because I was going to consume it. mmm chocolatey life force. do you think if life force tasted of chocolate we'd all be murderers? I reckon murder would at least be more common. 
I think that mango is my favourite fruit. closely followed by pears because they are advertised as being high fibre and bananas as they are advertised as being high in potassium. I'm a sucker for advertising. every time I go to Morrisons I want to get my dry cleaning done and I don't even own anything that needs to be dry cleaned :O. 
my sister wants our family to go on holiday to somewhere hot like turkey but I don't want to and even though I'm pretty sure my mum and dad want to too they have decided not to because of me. I feel kind of bad. I also don't care. they don't want to leave me on my own :( even if I was at someone else's house :"(. I am also dangerously close to running out of money. it's so very very tragic.
okay I have a bit of a headache and I'm sorry that this was neither funny nor interesting I think I left my personality at the cinema but hey at least I am trying I LOVE YOU maybe I'll post again soon?

I am related to you

Which is actually way more boring than it sounds because according to science we are all from these eight women and so that's really incest and wow aren't we all impressed at their ability to copulate? What a fantastic word. Almost as good as fornicate. More polite, I find.
I am an awful blogger. I just always sit here like "what should I write about?" and then I'm like "cats... No wait, I always write about cats." and then the circle starts again. Cats are my life. Check out my tumblr if you don't believe me; iroastcats4lolz.tumblr.com
I have 14 minutes before my laptop dies, this feels like mission impossible, which is a shame since I like to think of it as possible to do. It probably is. My life is so exciting. Hopefully I am going to play the back end of a cow in a production of Jack and the Beanstalk. WOOOO.
I love parties. I want to party on my own. I'm going to get back from work, shut the blinds, plug in my ipod to my head and then dance around like I both have co-ordination issues and am having a fit. Yeahboi. I'm not going to randomly drink the lambrini in my room though, saving that for a party with people other than me.
GO BLUE. Oddie is so funny he is eating a wicker basket and no-one knows why. OMG I JUST REALISED HOW PREGNANT FEARNE COTTON IS WHEN SHE TURNED SIDEWAYS I wasn't expecting it because I am retarded Whoops.
Be back later babes

The Magician's Code

So I have no idea why this post has this name, but that's the name of the How I Met Your Mother episode which I am totally not watching right now. I actually am not, it just finished.
COLLEGE PEOPLE, WE GO TO COLLEGE.
Sometimes I forget.
Week after half-term. Ten million tests. Nobody cares because everyone has ten million tests. Poor us :( It also means halloween is practically upon us! And that means annoying children that we randomly feed :( AND A MUPPETS PARTY. That's right, Emma is amazing.
There are so many things I could ramble about right now. Like, so many. Wow, I'm so camp.
Obviously, last week was half-term and if you know what's good for you you have a great time in half-term. Ella and I obviously do know how to have a great half-term. We had our joint birthday party on the first day of half-tern proper and invented our own drinking games. I'm not going to lie, I thought it was great. Hopefully everyone else who was there enjoyed it as well, seeing as it was creatures of the night themed. I kinda failed at my costume, seeing as everyone else managed to find something that vaguely matched... I came as WHY girl. I don't know WHY. hehe amused.
Today I ate some bread that had fruit in it. Weird right? I thought so anyway... I think it tasted of hazelnuts :S
Tuesday I went to Sophie's house for a party... An awesome party! I am still bruised :/ :L
I rang Ami yesterday, which involved (as always) climbing onto and sitting on my windowsill... Only it's bliddy freezing!!!!!!!1 So I put a pillow on it, and low and behold, my cat was found fast asleep on it this morning. Gotta say though, pillow on windowsill is a very slippy combination and I am still a little shell shocked from that forty minute phone call O.o Of course, Oddie is still equally afraid of heights at the moment, since last Saturday he tried to walk on a bit of sofa that didn't exist and just fell straight onto the floor. Naturally, he pretended that it had never happened, and just made a slightly alarmed face.
Charliotte has been forbidden to have her birthday present until a month after her birthday in punishment of her own lateness, but this is causing unwanted sexual harrassment,... I'm scared.
I don't know what I just did for about half an hour :S at all :L but there is a cat by me now!
I used to have a gerbil. It died of old age/ it wouldn't eat anything that would grind it's teeth down. I'm pretty sure it was the first one though, since I would expect it to be less fat if it was the teeth thing :L My last(ish) test tomorrow!! Wooo! Who needs chemistry anyway? I may as well just fail :L
I love Jess from new girl, she's so beautiful with her words :L

I NEARLY FORGOT Josie came back from Uni the other day. She's actually like a nice person and all that and she looks really thin, I just want to feed her a lot for a long time :L
Well, I am bored now, so I'm going to talk about stuff in the room I am in. Like these hazelnuts from Lidl. Mmmm Lidl hazelnuts. And the curtains look particularly... Curtainy today :L OMG I HAVE MAN SMELL BECAUSE I WANT TO SMELL LIKE A MAN AND NOT LIKE A LADY or whatever.
Peace out.

Emily's House

Okay, so lets be honest, it's been a while since I last blog. I may easily have lost my touch. I might also have suddenly become mega-super-freaking-awesome-cool-in-your-face-winning-freaky-good. You know. That's just how it is.

So I am now going to totally ignore the past, uh, long amount of time (I am not going to go and see how long it's been since I last blogged, because that number would depress not only me, but also you, my loyal followers) and I am going to tell you about today.

For those of you that are, lets say, interesting, today is Saturday.

This morning, I had an interesting dream. Firstly, I was at school and totally out of it. Then, a girl I know comes up to me and randomly offers me drugs. -brief pause-. I accept them, because without them what will make my lonely life exciting? So we're sitting there, being randomly druggie and then... The circus is coming to school!!!! It's a weird production and students are allowed to join in. I think about this before deciding it would be more interesting to just sit there and randomly wait for the drugs to kick in. I am wondering if I actually took a drug at this point. By now the other students have been participating in the circus for quite a while, doing backflips, riding elephants, all that kind of shit just randomly going on in the background. Then, they decide to give out awards. Suddenly I see them from a great distance and I squint a bit before realising that actually, they are just dolls house people size. I point at a curtained off area and ask what it is, and totally ignore the answer because I don't really care. Then I change my mind and look inside it at all their tiny outfits and the mini-man gets angry and pounds me with his tiny fists... So I throw him out the window. Then everything is normal size again and I see Emily being awarded a banana for most healthy eating (SO accurate :L). Amber does not like this. So her competitive streak kicks in and she kills everyone in the room. Before I can continue to wonder about the drugs not having kicked in yet I realise that the entire time I have been in a car on the way to the farm. Awkward. Then I wake up because the phone is ringing.

Sorry if that was extremely long and boring. That is how my Saturday started. I was freaked out quite a bit.

Then the real fun started. Shower, breakfast, clothes, leave house. 11.40, catch the train to Ledbury with a single there. 11.42, get text from mother informing me that I am getting the train back to Hereford if I want to get home. 11.59, get to Ledbury. Hello Emily. Walk to Emily's house. See the same old lady on the phone with a dog that we see every single time. Try to drink tea from flask whilst walking. Pour it all over own face. Get to Emily's house. Start making pancakes. Have milk panic attack. Have pancake panic attack. Eat strange, strange pancakes, the shape of blobs (yes Em, you are an amazing chef).  Waffle (in a speaky way)

Go to Emily's room. Tumbl for a while. Watch Jennamarbles and love her. (Miss out small amounts of my own memory here).... Decide to bake some more! Now, let's get onto the subject of brownies.

I bought a brownie mix for us when we went to Tesco on the way to Em's house. It says in the instructions "add 75ml of water". So naturally, I tell Emily to "Add 75ml of water". Somehow she mishears this as "Add 700ml of water". After adding 400ml of water she turns around and asks if she's added water twice or three times. Neither of us know. So I ask her how much is in one cup. She says 200ml. Short pause. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?! So we then randomly add egg, flour, sugar and cocoa by taste. As in, "If it tastes like shit, add cocoa or sugar. If it's still the consistency of water, add flour. If you feel like it, add an egg." Unsurprisingly, all of the above things were added. Having poured it into a tray and then removed it because we forgot the oil, we re-poured it and out it in the oven. Took about 45 mins to cook compared to the 20-25 it says on the packet for a normal one. 

We'll get back to that later. Then we made cookies. I can't be bothered to go over all of what happened, but I gave Em a drink of orange juice and poured it all over her face and the floor. Cookies came out of this. Also, we made mega-cookie and it was more of a cakie and it reminded me of mega-friend which is on my happy list.

When the brownie was cooked, it was discovered that brownie can infact be a dangerous weapon. For a brief period we panicked over the fact that the end of the knife was missing after having struggled to cut up the "bendy" or rather "rubbery" brownies.

Yeah, they look good though, so same difference.

Went home on the train. Half way through the train ride I realised there was cookie mix on my face. Awkward.

LETS GET TO THE FUNNY ALREADY.

I have no funny. I drew pictures of Powe! though. GO POWE!!!! Turns out that Powe!'s powers come from her calculator and her alien origin and that she has a sidekick with no powers other than their determination to be dressed as a cat at all times and their indeterminable gender.

Then I drew some pictures of Powe! defeating enemies with frozen broccoli, as all true superheroes should.

Oddie headbutted the banister again and actually fell over with a thump afterwards. I discovered that he has put on wait and can no longer fit through the gap (which is about 4, 5 inches).

Had to change my tumblr password because of "unusual activity". Which probably means that it identified Ella and Emily's usage, but could be that it actually noticed the weird tumblr staff blog spam my tumblr was getting. Btw, iroastcats4lolz.tumblr.com is a great site.

Laughed at my face. Because, you know, who doesn't do that?

I'm really sorry, but I don't actually have anything interesting to say. I've been de-interestingised. So I am going to leave you with this, possibly my last ever post.

But possibly not ;)

Weener

Ella is a weener.

Ok, so I'm a freak. What's it to you?

This title makes it sound like I'm angry. I'm not. But lets just rewind to yesterday, quite frankly because it was more fun then.

So...We went to see Insidious at the cinema!!!!!!!!!!!!! We went all the way to Gloucester! I can't remember how long it took, but the train had a leak. A creepy leak. Like, a water leak. And it dripped. Ella's foot got wet.

I feel really bad for you guys! The entire story is pretty much hilarious, but I'm too tired to bother putting detail in- you'll find out why.

So, basically we all got rejected for it because Adam and James didn't have ID. Not that everyone else did. They just looked young. Ella and I brought ID. I ended up showing the guy my ID for no reason. I was like "I have ID!...Wanna see it?"..."Wait! No! You can't see it! I hate my photo! Nooooooo!.....Actually I don't really know you, so it's okay. Take it, take it now!". Yeah. So instead we all watched Hanna. Which is pretty amazing. Like bang bang shooty shooty deady deady!!!

I'm going to quote it now: "I think when I'm older I might be a lesbian...But I'd only hold hands and I think I'd end up marrying a man." Mwahahahahahaha.

We went to Tescos and Ella and I bought monsters. Emily didn't buy me any popcorn in return for my graphics work :( But I stole some from Jamie so I was fine. I did actually buy a 36p packet of midget gems. Tesco Value. Tesco Value is such good value!

The whole way through the film I was more hyper than a mentally ill cat with a rocket up it's... bottom. When we got to this really long running scene at the end I was running with the characters to make myself feel more like I was in the scene. I love Hanna. I really do.

Anyhoo, then we went to subway. Then it rained. Then we started running to the train station. Then this old dude asked Jamie for change. Then Emily shouted "We have to catch our train!" at him. Then we ran for a reasonably long distance in the rain to the train (I know that rhymes, it's cool). We ran up the stairs. That was mildly annoying, because my shoes nearly fell off.

When we reached the top I explained to everyone how I was mildly annoyed by my fuzzy tongue. The fuzzy tongue is the reason I don't run. Whenever I run everywhere my tongue gets fuzzy. I don't get out of breath or anything. Just fuzzy.

So yeah, some stuff happened and then we got to Hereford. Catherine Shaw was there - she's Emily's bezzie. I don't really remember what I said, but I slapped myself quite hard in the face several times.

At Ella's house we talked to Jamie for a bit and then he left. And then we went upstairs, put Kickass on and promptly ignored it in favour of building a fort. It was a pretty awesome fort.

Basically, Ella, Emily and I stayed up until half-four bitching about people (Yes, probably you...JK definetely :P...No seriously it was mostly about life in general...but if you're really annoying you probably got a mention.). Yeah. And then we all got up at eight. Emily's not good at getting up. Ooh I feel dizzy. I'm going to leave now I can feel my hold on impeccable grammar and spelling slipping.

Have anice life mr monsters. I love your families cat and the way your say ne mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Other Stuff I Forgot And Today

Before I forget, Emma was kind enough to lend me Sally the squirrel in order to make maths bearable, both yesterday and today. It didn't work, but it was a good effort on her part :P

Nothing too interesting happened today. I made mr Chapman a mug shaped coffee cake, which he seemed to enjoy. Um... R.E. was a rave. Biology... Don't remember. Same applies to maths. Wait, I do remember not being a massive fail in maths.

Oooh, oooh! Got my english result back! Once again, I shall not publish it for fear of offence, but I liked it. I hope everyone else got the results they were hoping for. I was especially pleased seeing as I was dead scared I would epically fail. I was seriously having a panic attack before hand. I actually had a panic attack for most of English. Ella, Emma and Beth clearly found this hilarious. I was literally in hysterics. People should pay my panic attacks more attention. What if I die???

That was school. At home I watched SALT the movie. It's is A. Mazing. The ending kinda pissed me off though. It's so blaze (That's blaz-ay, I just don't have an e with an accent). I'm not sure if I mean that. It just doesn't tie the knots I want tying. If there's never a sequel then I'll have to condemn it as a bad movie. There's just too much build up to leave someone hanging like that. The whole movie was great, full of action - just riveting. Right up until the final scene. Or what should of been the final scene. That finale should have been followed with one calm scene and a nice ending involving very mild anger.

Also watched some ghost whisperer. Because I am sad like that. There's a reason I didn't blog during the holidays- I have no life to blog about.

Okay, that's a lie, tons of weird and amusing things happened during the holidays. Still.

Night guys!