I am currently sitting in graphics and hating on the fonts which are not Arial or Verdana. And hating on your mum. JK lol, it would be really difficult to hate on all your mums at the same time. not that I couldn't do it. I'm actually that good.... Anyway. So, this is my alternative to Graphics work. In a way it's totally a positive move 'cos I don't have to do this later. Instead I may well decide that today is the day I choose to live in a cave. Not that there is a cave near me. But still. Ella has now decided she is a cave. Which I suppose means I can live in her- Which is very odd. She has changed her mind now. She's actually just a cave liver who doubles as its £500 extension with bathroom.
I learned that Hatte is the same in German no matter who had it. Not at all relevant. I just sneezed. A bit.
REmember that this is being typed on a very hard keyboard. It's almost as hard as Will's... We'll not go there. Ella is nodding and dancing like a pixie on LSD. Is that right? Just realised that there are seriously upmarket rape straighteners. Seriously. The GHB straighteners. RAPE STRAIGHTENERS. I suppose this is kind of like rape to make someone straight, which also makes them mildly homophobic.
It wasn't me. No seriously. It was Zoe. She's such a bum. Which reminds me, today in Biology I wrote in my planner "Finish it you bumface." I'm so insulting to myself. I was also looking at a page Will saved on my account. 21 reasons why Immie should be a moped. I could copy them but I cba. I mentioned the time before last that I have CBA syndrome. This fact remains true.
I don't want to keep doing this atm, but I'm going to. That's what you're mum thought when you turned 8. Will should grow his hair. It would look better longer.
It was really strange a couple of years ago, Mr Foggo said mouses. I mean seriously. He said mouses, then we were like "No sir, it's totally mice tho innit." and he was like "Oh, k 'den I is just talking about my mices." and we was like "No 'dat is totally 'do innit?" and he was like "K 'den I is talking bout ma meeces innit?" And we was like this is just gone be a fail. Innit.
I don't know why computer mice are called mice. It implies that they have the ability to behave like mice. Have you ever had all of your bird food eaten by a computer mouse? I haven't. But then, that's just my personal experience. I have had it eaten by a normal mouse. It was really funny, because my mum got very confused. She went to get more bird food from the garage, but the container was empty. She was like WTF?!?!?!?! An I was like haha.
Anyway, so we randomly go through the drawers of this dresser in the garage. Turns out this mouse has individually moved every single nut from this bird food thing into this one drawer in the garage. Yeah. Degu's are cool...er than Ella.
I DIDN'T SAY THAT! IT WAS THE VOICES IN MY HEAD.
The voices in my head say they like you :)
I'm hobophobic. That means I am afraid of homeless people. Or at least that's what I'm pretending it means.
I cba to do this anymore. That is, I cba to deal with life. If I don't turn up tomoz, assume I'm dead. don't be too upset plz. See you guys... whenever. Or never. You know, depends on if I decide to live.
Have a nice life.
p.s. Anna is a guy.
Wednesday 13 April 2011
Tuesday 12 April 2011
Emily's Note and My Boring Life So Far
Firstly, I'd like to give a little background on Emily's note. I promised to write three paragraphs on it, but I have only twenty minutes- if I don't make sense, it's clearly not my fault.
Okay, so it's 5.30 a.m. German time, 4.30 English. We're standing at the airport checking in. Emily has had a monster. Johanna is there. We spend maybe ten minutes talking about... something. Probably Pimmel. That and taking photos of our feet. What fascinating things feet are. Some people even have fetishes for them, especially toes... but we'll get to that later.
Emily suddenly has a panic attack. Probably because she had to leave Johanna without having had her children. Or given her a lollipop. Or... something else slightly more normal, but probably not because this is Emily we're talking about here, and she's almost as abnormal as me. TML Emily, tml.
She starts sitting on the floor rambling about being more cool than a volcano on a morbidly obese man drinking lighter fluid... No-one listens. After a while she feels slightly better, and we're getting on the plane anyhoo.
We get on the plane. So, I take out my iPod. Emily and I do the cha cha as promised. Will behaves in a mildly strange way. So pretty much everything was normal. Unfortunately, Emily starts investigating the abilities of my iPod. She sees notes. She writes one. I have taken the time to copy up this note in entirety, despite it's length. Look down.
Guten Tag my dear Imogen. How art thou? I am very glucken... I am not entirely sure what this means but hopefully you do because you where the one who said it to me, but then again you are sehr verrukt, so maybe I will just accept. No. I will accept it. ACCEPT IT!!! So, you just bought a fuck load of chocolate and sweets and shit, but not actual, just metaphorical fake shit. Just like my metaphor for how cold I am. As cold as an old morbidly fat obese man whom has just seen another old man with huge toes which turns him on because he has a gay fetish for feet and excess fat... So this man is already pretty hot (not hot as in yummy fit boner type hot, as in a pig is hot if he is stuck inside a greenhouse full of eold morbidly obese fat men who have just seen another old man with huge toes which turns him on because he has a gay fetish for feet and excess fat) Anyway, back to the metaphor. I have actually completely forgotten what I was talking about and I really really really cba to scroll back up to the top to read it because I like typing... A bit like I like just buying things, Jiss. Hmmm, not sure why I wrote that, but it seemed like a hood thing to type to you. Jiss jiss jiss jig while you jiss. Okejxnxndjxkskzjzj. Shitfucktitwankmotherfuckingcunt. *The sad thing is that I am pretty sure I could say most of this* is deutsch, I blame Johanna and her crank brother who likes coke...caine. Hurensohn :) aaaah my favourite German word. Anyhoo, I am going to leave you now because I don't think that I am very funny although this has been rather a fun waste of my shitty time. Bonjour.
That's the first part. Soz for the swearing. Emily is a bad girl. It continues, this one has some input from me.
Arschloch. Just saying man, jizz saying. I suddenly have an obsession with jizz, but that's okay because people jizz in their pants all the time. I don't really know what your talking about (FROM IMMIE: She's talking about me here.), but you keep saying bra and now something about something in young Willy's pants. "Boat's don't have bras. It's funny because it's true. Or is it?... Actually, I saw a bra on a boat once...Nope, that was my gran... I really want to..." I'm not sure what you want to. Jizz maybe?
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I don't really understand either so it's okay. Oooooooooooooooh. Houses and people are the same, wait no ants take things away. I hate ants. My dad boils ants. Kettle. Not in the kettle, not in the kettle- are the ants unhappy because they're being boiled? Wee wee. Pimmel. How is your penis Emily? I want to headbutt fields but not with cows just fields. I don't think you can because it's insulting. I'm special, but I can't hear it maybe because I'm special. But you can't grow water.
*Phwew* Finished. Damn that was a lot to copy. I made it in twenty mins. Just. Don't have any time for my boring life though. I'll just say that about 90% of the last half was quotes from me, but that they're not all direct quotes.
Oh, and Emily put change down my top. This is how that conversation went.
"Emily, what did you put down my top?"
"Mmhhmmhmmh." <- I have no idea what she said. She was laughing too hard.
"Will, what did Emily put down my top?"
"I dunno." More laughing from both. Tbh I don't think Will knows what their laughing about.
"Emily. What did you put down my top?"
...
"Tiny little perverts."
Pause while we all laugh.
...
"Seriously Emily, what did you put down my top?"
...
...
...
...
...
"Tiny. Little. Perverts."
p.s. It was change.
Okay, so it's 5.30 a.m. German time, 4.30 English. We're standing at the airport checking in. Emily has had a monster. Johanna is there. We spend maybe ten minutes talking about... something. Probably Pimmel. That and taking photos of our feet. What fascinating things feet are. Some people even have fetishes for them, especially toes... but we'll get to that later.
Emily suddenly has a panic attack. Probably because she had to leave Johanna without having had her children. Or given her a lollipop. Or... something else slightly more normal, but probably not because this is Emily we're talking about here, and she's almost as abnormal as me. TML Emily, tml.
She starts sitting on the floor rambling about being more cool than a volcano on a morbidly obese man drinking lighter fluid... No-one listens. After a while she feels slightly better, and we're getting on the plane anyhoo.
We get on the plane. So, I take out my iPod. Emily and I do the cha cha as promised. Will behaves in a mildly strange way. So pretty much everything was normal. Unfortunately, Emily starts investigating the abilities of my iPod. She sees notes. She writes one. I have taken the time to copy up this note in entirety, despite it's length. Look down.
Guten Tag my dear Imogen. How art thou? I am very glucken... I am not entirely sure what this means but hopefully you do because you where the one who said it to me, but then again you are sehr verrukt, so maybe I will just accept. No. I will accept it. ACCEPT IT!!! So, you just bought a fuck load of chocolate and sweets and shit, but not actual, just metaphorical fake shit. Just like my metaphor for how cold I am. As cold as an old morbidly fat obese man whom has just seen another old man with huge toes which turns him on because he has a gay fetish for feet and excess fat... So this man is already pretty hot (not hot as in yummy fit boner type hot, as in a pig is hot if he is stuck inside a greenhouse full of eold morbidly obese fat men who have just seen another old man with huge toes which turns him on because he has a gay fetish for feet and excess fat) Anyway, back to the metaphor. I have actually completely forgotten what I was talking about and I really really really cba to scroll back up to the top to read it because I like typing... A bit like I like just buying things, Jiss. Hmmm, not sure why I wrote that, but it seemed like a hood thing to type to you. Jiss jiss jiss jig while you jiss. Okejxnxndjxkskzjzj. Shitfucktitwankmotherfuckingcunt. *The sad thing is that I am pretty sure I could say most of this* is deutsch, I blame Johanna and her crank brother who likes coke...caine. Hurensohn :) aaaah my favourite German word. Anyhoo, I am going to leave you now because I don't think that I am very funny although this has been rather a fun waste of my shitty time. Bonjour.
That's the first part. Soz for the swearing. Emily is a bad girl. It continues, this one has some input from me.
Arschloch. Just saying man, jizz saying. I suddenly have an obsession with jizz, but that's okay because people jizz in their pants all the time. I don't really know what your talking about (FROM IMMIE: She's talking about me here.), but you keep saying bra and now something about something in young Willy's pants. "Boat's don't have bras. It's funny because it's true. Or is it?... Actually, I saw a bra on a boat once...Nope, that was my gran... I really want to..." I'm not sure what you want to. Jizz maybe?
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I don't really understand either so it's okay. Oooooooooooooooh. Houses and people are the same, wait no ants take things away. I hate ants. My dad boils ants. Kettle. Not in the kettle, not in the kettle- are the ants unhappy because they're being boiled? Wee wee. Pimmel. How is your penis Emily? I want to headbutt fields but not with cows just fields. I don't think you can because it's insulting. I'm special, but I can't hear it maybe because I'm special. But you can't grow water.
*Phwew* Finished. Damn that was a lot to copy. I made it in twenty mins. Just. Don't have any time for my boring life though. I'll just say that about 90% of the last half was quotes from me, but that they're not all direct quotes.
Oh, and Emily put change down my top. This is how that conversation went.
"Emily, what did you put down my top?"
"Mmhhmmhmmh." <- I have no idea what she said. She was laughing too hard.
"Will, what did Emily put down my top?"
"I dunno." More laughing from both. Tbh I don't think Will knows what their laughing about.
"Emily. What did you put down my top?"
...
"Tiny little perverts."
Pause while we all laugh.
...
"Seriously Emily, what did you put down my top?"
...
...
...
...
...
"Tiny. Little. Perverts."
p.s. It was change.
Sunday 10 April 2011
Germany, England and the weird bit in between.
Firstly, the weird bit in between is not Wales.
I don't really know where to start here. I could give you a whole description of my time in Germany, but I don't think it would be particularly funny and anyway I can't be bothered. I'll tell you a little though.
I bought a shopping trolley the day before we left. It is now residing on my windowsill with a tiny teddy bear sitting in the childs seat. I should take a photo, but my C.B.A. (I have now been diagnosed) prevents me from doing so. I hope you all know what C.B.A. is, I mean, it's far more common than OCD. In most cases C.B.A. first shows symptoms during the teenage years. I'm actually a late bloomer.
(For those of you who are actually confused by this a) You are some of the few people who need to think more, for most this is bad, but you guys need practice. and b) It's "can't be asked" syndrome, fools.)
I have a can of nuts. Still haven't finished it. It's funny 'cause, should mr.T randomly turn up at my house and say "Get some nuts!" I can just be like "yeah, I have some. In a can.".
Ate all the Milka though. My trolley is so cool.
I have about 8 ducks and a massive bag of gummy planes for monday. I sincerely doubt either will last until lunch time.
So, Germany. I'm gonna try and fit this into one paragraph. Friday: I can't remember. Pretty much at all. I remember Noah. There's a photo of Noah... Saturday: Awkwardness + the zoo. Nuremberg zoo is fantasmical. HUGE. Got a teensy bit sunburnt. Saw a dolphin show. One of them was 51 years old an I was like "Woah that's old." and my exchange was like "What? I do not understand you :S". Sunday: Swimming with Pippa. Hilarious. Pippa is stupid. Soz Pippa, you're actually like well clever, innit. Kind of insulting to my self-confidence though, because she started laughing as soon as she saw my face. Especially since I didn't know Pippa before. I thought she was German. I thought some random German was laughing my face. Insulting much? Turns out German swimming is really violent. I still have two bruises on my elbow and one massive one on my knee from swimming. It was a really interesting shade of purple. Monday: Was in school. Was in the middle of R.E. when my exchange's friend and this guy are talking about something, and she says to him "Was ist '....' auf Englisch?" and he just turns to me and says "Penis.". Then he leaves. I was just like -.-. And then I spent R.E. singing "Ich bin nicht ein Fisch, ich bin eine Kartoffeln." I now know this is wrong, but I can't change the past. I have this joke with my exchange where I say "Laura liebt kinder" (Laura loves children.) a lot. So when, at break time on monday, this little kid ran up to me and hugged me, I was a little freaked out. Really freaked out. No-one knew the kid. They didn't know me. Just "Hey I'll hug that randomer!". Freaky. Then someone threw ten cents at me. Mmmm ten cents. Tuesday: Documentation centre. Lots of Nazism. Generally a little depressing and weird. Mrs Greenwood listened to our conversation about a woman with one giant boob and one tiny boob. That was awkward.
Wednesday: Emily's birthday. All the exchanges where there. Pretty amazing. Most fun day by far. Even if the German lady did keep telling Johanna and I to stop talking. She was so angry. Thursday: Shopping + weird lady who "before we left I had a very big WAG-on." Say it. What does that sound like? Yeah. I know. Shopping was good. Went to see giant kebab. We were too late. We saw the line where the giant kebab was and some chocolate. It was all Emily's fault. Friday: Went home. Had a monster. Went friggin' loony.
Germany in a paragraph. I'll admit, if that was proper English it'd probably be in seperate paragraphs. I don't particularly care.
Can't really remember much of friday/saturday. Today we went out for lunch. When we came back my parents saw a friend of their's and walked off for a chat. With the house keys.
So, I'm stuck out of the house. I go round back to find my cat. The windows open. I've gone through it before...
Yeah, I broke into my house through the window. Only problem is, I was then locked IN the house. See, my parents locked the main lock. Kinda annoying. Anyway. Annoyed my parents, so...
Don't ask about what happened on the coach after Emily, Will and Jack got off (Hahahaha Emily, Will and Jack got off. Together. In Ledbury.) See what they've done to me? Emily, Jack and Will, you have warped my mind.
I was forced to interact with Mike and George... George gave me this weird perverted ladybird... I was still being affected by the monster that I drank earlier... All I remember is being really bored and talking about how it was unfair to have different number of signs on each corner, because then the corner was only shiny on one side and somehow that was related to...purple??
Yeah, so. I might post tomorrow. If I do it'll be more interesting because it'll be instant ramble.
Oh, and now I have to find Emily's present...somewhere. I have no idea where it is. I'm stupid.
Did I mention that on the first night I repeatedly told my German exchange and her family that I was stupid? At least 5 times. In fact, I told her do 5 stupid things everyday. Which is true.
Yell at yellow pages!!!!!!!
My exchange lives at number 5 jupiterwinkel. Now you may stalk her.
Over and out ;)
I don't really know where to start here. I could give you a whole description of my time in Germany, but I don't think it would be particularly funny and anyway I can't be bothered. I'll tell you a little though.
I bought a shopping trolley the day before we left. It is now residing on my windowsill with a tiny teddy bear sitting in the childs seat. I should take a photo, but my C.B.A. (I have now been diagnosed) prevents me from doing so. I hope you all know what C.B.A. is, I mean, it's far more common than OCD. In most cases C.B.A. first shows symptoms during the teenage years. I'm actually a late bloomer.
(For those of you who are actually confused by this a) You are some of the few people who need to think more, for most this is bad, but you guys need practice. and b) It's "can't be asked" syndrome, fools.)
I have a can of nuts. Still haven't finished it. It's funny 'cause, should mr.T randomly turn up at my house and say "Get some nuts!" I can just be like "yeah, I have some. In a can.".
Ate all the Milka though. My trolley is so cool.
I have about 8 ducks and a massive bag of gummy planes for monday. I sincerely doubt either will last until lunch time.
So, Germany. I'm gonna try and fit this into one paragraph. Friday: I can't remember. Pretty much at all. I remember Noah. There's a photo of Noah... Saturday: Awkwardness + the zoo. Nuremberg zoo is fantasmical. HUGE. Got a teensy bit sunburnt. Saw a dolphin show. One of them was 51 years old an I was like "Woah that's old." and my exchange was like "What? I do not understand you :S". Sunday: Swimming with Pippa. Hilarious. Pippa is stupid. Soz Pippa, you're actually like well clever, innit. Kind of insulting to my self-confidence though, because she started laughing as soon as she saw my face. Especially since I didn't know Pippa before. I thought she was German. I thought some random German was laughing my face. Insulting much? Turns out German swimming is really violent. I still have two bruises on my elbow and one massive one on my knee from swimming. It was a really interesting shade of purple. Monday: Was in school. Was in the middle of R.E. when my exchange's friend and this guy are talking about something, and she says to him "Was ist '....' auf Englisch?" and he just turns to me and says "Penis.". Then he leaves. I was just like -.-. And then I spent R.E. singing "Ich bin nicht ein Fisch, ich bin eine Kartoffeln." I now know this is wrong, but I can't change the past. I have this joke with my exchange where I say "Laura liebt kinder" (Laura loves children.) a lot. So when, at break time on monday, this little kid ran up to me and hugged me, I was a little freaked out. Really freaked out. No-one knew the kid. They didn't know me. Just "Hey I'll hug that randomer!". Freaky. Then someone threw ten cents at me. Mmmm ten cents. Tuesday: Documentation centre. Lots of Nazism. Generally a little depressing and weird. Mrs Greenwood listened to our conversation about a woman with one giant boob and one tiny boob. That was awkward.
Wednesday: Emily's birthday. All the exchanges where there. Pretty amazing. Most fun day by far. Even if the German lady did keep telling Johanna and I to stop talking. She was so angry. Thursday: Shopping + weird lady who "before we left I had a very big WAG-on." Say it. What does that sound like? Yeah. I know. Shopping was good. Went to see giant kebab. We were too late. We saw the line where the giant kebab was and some chocolate. It was all Emily's fault. Friday: Went home. Had a monster. Went friggin' loony.
Germany in a paragraph. I'll admit, if that was proper English it'd probably be in seperate paragraphs. I don't particularly care.
Can't really remember much of friday/saturday. Today we went out for lunch. When we came back my parents saw a friend of their's and walked off for a chat. With the house keys.
So, I'm stuck out of the house. I go round back to find my cat. The windows open. I've gone through it before...
Yeah, I broke into my house through the window. Only problem is, I was then locked IN the house. See, my parents locked the main lock. Kinda annoying. Anyway. Annoyed my parents, so...
Don't ask about what happened on the coach after Emily, Will and Jack got off (Hahahaha Emily, Will and Jack got off. Together. In Ledbury.) See what they've done to me? Emily, Jack and Will, you have warped my mind.
I was forced to interact with Mike and George... George gave me this weird perverted ladybird... I was still being affected by the monster that I drank earlier... All I remember is being really bored and talking about how it was unfair to have different number of signs on each corner, because then the corner was only shiny on one side and somehow that was related to...purple??
Yeah, so. I might post tomorrow. If I do it'll be more interesting because it'll be instant ramble.
Oh, and now I have to find Emily's present...somewhere. I have no idea where it is. I'm stupid.
Did I mention that on the first night I repeatedly told my German exchange and her family that I was stupid? At least 5 times. In fact, I told her do 5 stupid things everyday. Which is true.
Yell at yellow pages!!!!!!!
My exchange lives at number 5 jupiterwinkel. Now you may stalk her.
Over and out ;)
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